In Carolita Johnson’ s cartoon, an unshaven flasher wearing a watchman’s cap and a headband with eyeball boppers is harassing a woman who’s turned her back to him. The flasher is speaking.
I first imagined the flasher hoping against hope for a date: “Well, then, how about tomorrow night?”
I next pictured him getting defensive and assuming that she could reject his advances for only one reason: “What, you don’t like guys?”
I then focused on the eyeball boppers: “Oh, come on. They’re festive.”
I next imagined the flasher trying to find common ground by presenting himself as a staunch (and unlikely) opponent of sexual harassment:
- “That Harvey Weinstein was some pig.”
- “Me too, lady. Me too.”
- “Me too.”
Finally, I appropriated a line that many women have said to men who won’t stop staring at their breasts: “Hey, my eyes are up here.”
Now let’s see how you did.
No fewer than nineteen of you submitted some variation on the “eyes up here” caption:
- “My eyes are up here.” (14 entries)
- “Hey, Lady, my eyes are up here.”(3 entries)
- “Hey, my eyes are up here.” (2 entries)
Three of you had essentially the same idea but, by changing “here” to “there,” highlighted the fact that the bopping eyes are above the flasher’s head:
- “Hey, Lady, my eyes are up there.”
- “My eyes are up there.”
- “Hey! My eyes are up there!”
That last caption would be better without the italics and two exclamation points.
One of you alluded to the recent controversy surrounding the movie “Joker,” which some critics feared would incite to violence those white men who feel ignored by society in general and by women in particular: “I’ve seen ‘Joker’ seventeen times.”
Some of this week’s best entries established that the woman and the flasher have or had some kind of personal or professional relationship, such as former colleagues: “Do they miss me at work?”
- “Come back home. The kids miss you.”
- “Tell me again why you want a divorce.”
Or family members: “No daughter of mine is going out dressed like that.”
Or ex-lovers: “I’m doing just fine since you left me, just fine. Good in fact. Real good.”
That last entry is an excellent example of a long caption that could not be any shorter. It captures the way a spurned lover might talk while trying (not very successfully) to convince himself and his ex-girlfriend that he’s moved on. It may be the longest caption I’ve ever highlighted in one of my commentaries, but every word is necessary and I really like it.
Here’s this week’s best Trump joke: “I lost my MAGA hat.”
Here’s the best (and most disturbing) sex joke: “I’ll bet you’ve never done it in a cardboard box.”
And here’s the best pun: “You told me to wear something flashy.”
This is similar to but shorter and better than my “how about tomorrow night” caption: “How about Saturday night?”
In the following entry, the flasher’s trying to figure out why the woman’s not receptive to his advances: “Let me guess. You have a rule against dating bug-antennaed homeless flashers?”
And in these entries he’s lashing out after getting rejected:
- “One look and you think you know me?”
- “Not interested in men?”
Those last two captions are similar and superior to one of mine.
The next caption, a clever reference to an on-line dating service, has the flasher trying to convince the woman to reconsider her initial refusal to go out with him: “It’s only lunch.”
In the next two entries the flasher’s asking a common but, given the circumstances, ridiculous question:
- “Care to split a cab?”
- “Share a cab?”
Finally, here’s an entry I appreciate because it’s identical to one of mine: “Me too.”
I like the “eyes up here” and “Me too” and “not interested in men” captions—and not just because I went after similar jokes—but this week’s best entry came out of left field and surprised me in the best possible way. Congratulations, then, to whomever submitted, “I’m doing just fine since you left me, just fine. Good in fact. Real good.”